March 2011
107 posts
“I live off the land
well water, raisin’ my crops
I repay with poop”
– Redneck Haiku
“Ed-Jer-Cay-Shun. ok.
Please use that in a sentence?
This spelling bee sucks.”
– Redneck Haiku
“Tearin’ up mountain
in my 4 wheel drive pick up.
Killin’ baby tree”
– Redneck Haiku
“Camoflauge on me.
Kids too. Huntin’ for some cheeseburgers.
Kill them...”
– Redneck Haiku
February 2011
53 posts
“I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than...”
– Interesting quote…. some people fuck themselves by giving up their life to another instead of pursuing the dreams they entered the world with intending to birth into fruition.
You either couple with someone who wants you to succeed or you couple with someone who doesn’t give a shit...
“Ay-rabs are evil!
eyein’ their wife’s every move!
Am I an...”
– Redneck Haiku
“North city slickers
Think they damn know everything
You don’t have to...”
– Redneck Haiku
“Gave my wife this gift.
You relax today baby.
Clean up tomorrow.”
– Redneck Haiku
“Huntin’ n’ fuckin’
I heard people go to school.
My life is...”
– Redneck Haiku
“Camo green n’ black
I don’t need no red, pink, blue.
Man knows...”
– Redneck Haiku
“Dog won’t fetch paper!
Attack the Daily News, mutt!
Dog like me,...”
– Redneck Haiku
“Tryin’ boots, might get.
sip a beer, maybe I buy.
Test drive women too”
– Redneck Haiku
“Gotta car, wife, chair,
dirty books, tooth brush cup
I own all of that”
– Redneck Haiku
“What? Electric cars???
Gasoline smell uplifts me
NASCAR, engines, tits”
– Redneck Haiku
“Exposing my crack
Problem with overheating
Breeze is a coolant”
– Redneck Haiku
“Teeth sayin’ goodbye!
Filin’ divorce, no lawyer!
Left me for sink...”
– Redneck Haiku
“Camo green black tux
Gimme my little statue!
Thankin’ God and deer.”
– Redneck Haiku
“Every action has
reaction. Like me drinkin’
til 2. Late for work!”
– Redneck Haiku
why I write Redneck Haiku
Because I do stand up comedy…. and I created a character that wears a Confederate Flag t-shirt with Billy Bob teeth… and the character recites the haiku onstage. And he wears a trucker hat. And he’s from the lower midwest.
So what.
To those who think it is a stab at their meat and potaters lifestyle or assume I’m an asshole, name a comic who isn’t one behind the...
“Schoolwork ain’t for me!
Ask yer teacher fer help, Son.
My movie is on.”
– Redneck Haiku
“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you....”
– - William Arthur Ward
Those who criticize are the ones who never learned who they were or achieved their true potential and THUS became bitter…..
Find yourself and you will be happy. I am.
“Me to you is what
dinner is to table so
let me get on you.”
– Redneck Haiku
“Keepin’ an eye out!
Democrats takin’ my gun!
My small town values!”
– Redneck Haiku
“My mouth is open
Massage gums. One sleepy tooth.
Help me chew my food.”
– Redneck Haiku
“Gotta keep my wife
Controlled. She thinks for herself.
That ain’t good...”
– Redneck Haiku
“No person is worth your time if they make you cry”
– told to me once and that is very good advice.
“The only homeless
in my town is the Dentist.
I don’t care ‘bout...”
– Redneck Haiku
“Drinkin’ money. Check
Got a chain on my wallet.
All my friends at bar.”
– Redneck Haiku
“Why pay one fifty
to put down your sick doggy.
Cheaper to run over.”
– Redneck Haiku
“Meat and potaters
Beer and pussy, pornos too.
Them are my fav’rite”
– Redneck Haiku
“My chest is hairy!
Peacocks show off bright feathers.
I open my shirt.”
– Redneck Haiku
“Went down to the store.
Got a couple girly books.
This is art to me.”
– Redneck Haiku
“man was meant to work
woman was meant to tend house !!
what’s this...”
– Redneck Haiku
“I don’ know how to
cook like wife, clean like wife and
shit out rosy...”
– Redneck Haiku
“These colors don’t run!
But I run to the bathroom
Fried chicken kills...”
– Redneck Haiku
“No one has the right to tell you who you are and control your life, cause it’s...”
– this is true…. I think someone needs to read this… maybe read it again so they get the point…. and man up.
a little sumtin' sumtin'
there is one thing that really pisses me off.
the attitude of ignorance. Why? when one is ignorant, they tend to shit on someone else’s parade. Like trying to shut them up or cut them off from good things. Why? well, more than likely that ignorance stems from being unable to understand the world. sure they might comprehend green light, yellow light, red light…. when they are sober of...
“Chew my food for me!
Ah got brown stumps in mah mouth
Mouth trees got chopped!”
– Redneck Haiku
“If you gonna leave,
you can take the kids but not
ol’ Yeller my dog”
– Redneck Haiku
Do you think one wakes up from their own bullshit when they are miles and miles away from the pile?
“Gonna start over
People are not what they were…..
Dumb choices they made”
– Duh! Haiku
“Take your meds and pills
Sugar coat reality
Brain wiring off”
– Mental Haiku
“Dentist? What? Hell no!
Regular doctor visits?
Fuck you asshole! Shit!”
– Redneck Haiku
“I don’t understand
lonely parts of Tennessee
Man bosses woman”
– Redneck Haiku
Day 3 your crush
I prefer Orange Crush. Anything other than that, the answer is No. I almost added a cuss word before No.
Whoa
Feb 2 Q
Best Friend
I have a few. They are far away. Nothing like Oprah and Gloria. Is that her name? I keep a circle of bf’s. They all provide something different. Cessie, Honkey Cheese, to name a couple.
Feb 1st Q
Parents
I have two. Good enough answer.
should I fill this out on a daily basis?
Letters
1. Your Parents 2 - Your best friend 3 - Your crush 4 - Someone from your childhood 5 - The person you wish you could be 6 - A sibling 7 - An ex 8 - Your dreams 9 - Your favorite internet friend 10 - Someone you wish you could meet 11 - Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to 12 - A stranger 13 - A deceased person you wish you could talk to 14 - The person you hate/caused you...
“some people were not
meant to go Topless Tuesday
accept your limits”
– Redneck Haiku