June 2011
13 posts
I did a show Sunday night. My set was dedicated to Redneck Haiku. The high school grads were dying especially. I loved that. After my show I got a gig for next month. Because I killed it with haiku. Several people told me I got a good shtick going. So thank you my inspirations in life. Whoever you may be. Thank you. I’m now remembered for something. I stand out now because of Redneck...
Jun 1st
May 2011
152 posts
I just noticed my followers dropped off the planet. hahahaha screw you people for not appreciating vernacular art.
May 27th
“Damn Harold Camping!! Drank child support payment. $300 by June!”
– Redneck Haiku
May 25th
Oh Chicago comedy. I love you. Fuck the ingredients that makes you up. Unhealthy in mind.
May 23rd
“Convincin’ her mind. With moonshine ‘n positives. “no one...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Life is about work. Food ain’t free. Cable costs me. Don’t pay fer...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Wife talkin’ ‘bout men. Van Gogh. Rodan. Da Vinci. “You...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Outside world contact. Not a big fan. Women learn. Thinkin’ fer self....”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Wind knocked down outhouse. Seat blew away. Can’t shit now. Told...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Women are trophies. Arm candy. Status lifters. They cook ‘n clean too.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“I kinda love you. Yer inside self. Not really. I love yer outside.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Ah know how to help! She cooks ‘n cleans. I step out. Sleepin’ in...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Ah know how to please! When her show is on, I leave. Shootin’ pool with...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Ah know how to love! Pull out penis. “take it, wife!!” Women like...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Ah know what love is!! Starin’ over her shoulder! It’s fer her own...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Wife nicknamed penis. I said Rocky or Captain. She likes Little Friend.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Black guys in pornos. Give it up fer civil rights! Them good actors too.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Shoppin’ fer rubbers. Bought Magnums. Woman impressed. Says penis lost...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“You cheatin’ on me? Who you seein’ on tha side? That dog...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Spent today prayin’ Askin’ fer things. Whiskey. Beer. Another...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Men lookin’ at wife. Lookin’ at mah car, mah dog. Damn, am ah...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
Redneck Haiku has given my act the extra oomph I needed. It’s one of those accomplishments where saying thanks to those who inspired, angered, or simply interacted with me is just not enough. I’m Cali steering my rudder, baby!!
May 22nd
“Last day fer sex life. “oh God oh God”… Shut up...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Prepared. Took off clothes. Cops: indecent exposure! Bullshit!!! The Rapture!!!”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Guidance from Preacher. I must tithe for a prayer. Writin’ rubber check.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Thought God would take me. Drank all my whiskey. Still here. God took dick....”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Santa never shows. Tooth Fairy forgets me too. God left me on Earth”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Earth bubbling up!!! Plumber: “broken septic tank.” Bullshit!!! End...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Body did not rise. Rapture rumor. Nothing up. Penis is. Where’s wife?”
– Redneck Haiku
May 22nd
“Mah last day on Earth. Gon’ rise up into the sky. Takin’ Billy...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 21st
“Microwaved meals. Scraped onto plate. No one knows. Make ‘em think...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 21st
I’m moving west. Then I will move southeast. Then I will stay put. And finish out my life doing something along the lines of bakery. That’s my tentative plan. Of course following those bullet points is - kick the bucket. I won’t imagine depressing ideas right now.
May 21st
“Watchin’ fishin’ show. Edge of mah chair excitement!!!! OH...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 21st
“Ah work, ah come home. Ah eat, ah crap, call mah friends. Ah sleep, fart,...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 21st
“Romantic evening. Drizzled nacho cheese on her. Licked it off her breast.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 21st
“Her: you think of me? Gotta make woman happy Me: ya when dick’s hard.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 21st
“Weak guys drop to knee. Ask fer marriage. Buy a ring. I says “Hey! You...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 21st
“Ah know how ta love. Pull penis out. No flowers. Penis out. No card.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 21st
“Burger joint napkins. Grabbin’ handful. My bathroom. Never bought TP.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
“Food turns into poop. If ya stop eatin’, no poop. Save money on wipe.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
“Come home to hot food. Mah New Years resolution. Some meat and some spuds.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
“Can’t stand Rap music. Heard Country with Rap in it. Oh Lord please take...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
“Ate that falafel. Ay-rab food. In my stomach. Ate more. They got me!!”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
“Ay-rab cabbie man. Farted. Burnin’ mah nose. Help! His stink bomb...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
“Terrorist alert Color codes. I’m Deputy! Got red Popsicles.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
“No coloreds in town. Except tanned guy. Red wires. My bad, licorice.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
“Ain’t scared of black folks. Latinos are my neighbors. I run from...”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
“Ay-rab with bomb vest. Next to me. Bulging stomach. My bad, belly fat.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
“Go work the coal mines. A paycheck, roof over head. Make someone else rich.”
– Redneck Haiku
May 20th
I’m taking a chance to see how far my dreams will take me. I don’t have to be stuck where I’m at. I don’t have someone bullshitting me with a sob story to prey upon my compassion because they hate being alone. I’m out. I’m going for the gold medal.
May 19th